Giving Your Child a Compliment? Here's How to Do It!

Why Compliments Are Good

If your boss gives you praise, that feels good. It works exactly the same way with a child. It feels nice when someone says you've done well. This makes your child feel seen and valued. It stimulates your child's self-confidence and positive self-image. They'll be more likely to think: I'm going to do this again! This stimulates your child's motivation, which promotes positive behaviour.

The Effect of Different Compliments

We divide compliments into different categories. Each compliment has its own colour and value:

Result-oriented compliments

With this type of compliment, you focus on the achievement, or the result. For example: 'What a lovely drawing you've made.' Or: 'What a fantastic tower of blocks you've built!' You're acknowledging your child's achievement. This creates a feeling of pride and satisfaction. For children it's important to be seen: look mummy and daddy, what I can do!

Process-oriented compliments

With process-oriented compliments, the emphasis is on your child's behaviour and effort: 'You've worked so hard!' Or: 'You've really tried your best.' With these types of compliments you teach your child that effort is more important than the final result. This teaches your child that hard work and trying are valuable in themselves. This gives motivation to keep going, even when something doesn't work straight away. At Basker childcare, we think the process is more important than the result. That's why our pedagogical staff also like to give compliments focused on the process.

Read more about our pedagogical policy

Personal compliments

A personal compliment is about certain behaviour: 'You were so patient when your little sister started crying during play.' Or: 'I appreciate you helping me with the dusting, that's very helpful of you.' With such compliments you highlight a lovely character trait of your child. This strengthens the sense of self-respect and individuality.

Descriptive compliments

With this type of compliment, it's not about the result, but about the journey there: 'I can see that you've drawn a spider on a house. How did you come up with that idea?' By ending your compliment with an open question, you encourage your child to think. Why did I actually draw a spider on the house? This stimulates awareness of their own actions and thought process.

How Many Compliments Do You Give as a Parent?

A well-timed compliment can motivate your child, but a constant stream of praise can have the opposite effect. You don't want your child to become dependent on compliments, but rather to trust themselves and learn to deal with disappointments and challenges. You encourage this with a balanced approach to giving compliments. It's wise to pay particular attention to the process, the effort and the learning experience, especially when something doesn't work straight away. Those kinds of compliments contribute to your child's self-awareness and perseverance.

Five Tips to Become a Pro at Giving Compliments

Become an expert at giving compliments! With these five tips in mind, it'll be a piece of cake:

1. Be specific and detailed: State concretely what you find beautiful, nice or good: 'Wow, how clever that you've incorporated so many materials into one craft project. I can see wood, I can see paper, I can see stone.'
2. Give immediate feedback: Let your child know straight away that you notice and appreciate their behaviour, not a few hours later: 'Really well done for staying in the water during swimming lessons, even though you were really cold.'
3. Focus on the effort: Emphasise the effort your child has made, even if the clay elephant in question looks more like a deer: 'I can see that you've spent a lot of time making this clay elephant, well done for persevering!'
4. Be honest: Only give a compliment if you really mean it. Your child can't be good at everything. And that's okay. Your child needs to learn that too, because that's part of life. You are not what you do or what you can do.
5. Consider your child's age: Compliments should suit your child's development. You can't expect a toddler to colour inside the lines yet, so then you can say: 'What lots of different colours you've used, lovely!'